Is This Love?

 Love

What a beautiful word
Love the most misused word
Love who ? Me yeah right
I seen you coming a thousand miles away
Is your love out of spite

So wrapped around you I unloved myself
While you use and abuse my heart to death
Stuck in so deep words can’t explain
Them soul ties got us confused and insane

Love me ? Nigga please
Love who ? Me yeah right
What’s love ? We don’t know this shit happened overnight

How can we love each other and both be so broken
Living through our trauma , hiding shit Unspoken

Let’s heal together? Naw the drugs healing you
So you think , them same drugs making me rethink
Is this love real or am I a crutch for your soul that’s unhealed

Healing Your Inner Child page 2

Loving Memory of Deborah Ann Cooke

(Ma)

Let me walk you through that winter night. I remember feeling the freezing cold wind brush against my soft brown skin, my fragile hands squeezing my mama's arm so tight, and all of us relying on one another's body heat and one blanket to bear through the night. I don’t even remember closing my eyes to get any sleep. Looking across the street all I could see was a huge brick building with a cross on the top indicating that we were sleeping outside right across the street from a church! The person's porch we were sleeping on lent us the blanket but wouldn’t let my mother and her four small children sleep inside. People can be so heartless and in hindsight I believe experiences I have endured like this, is what makes my heart so big. 

The 26 year old KeShara gives people her last because of that little girl freezing on that porch, wishing somebody would have come and saved her that night. That experience is affecting me to this day. It makes it difficult for me to use that ‘no’ word to people that I love, even when I know that I am being taken advantage of for my kindness and that I would never receive the same treatment in return. That experience has created an auto fight or flight setting that my mind struggles to get out of. Constantly feeling like I have to protect and provide, and never giving myself a chance to rest and relax. It has inhibited me to create healthy boundaries for myself within relationships I have in my life. I also struggle with asking or accepting help.  

Part of the healing of my younger self includes imagining what I would tell her if I could meet her in her times of need. I would be sure to say something along the lines of, “Babygirl you're going to be a fierce protector over your children. They will never have to experience an ounce of the trauma you have in your short time living.” The night on the porch was the very first traumatic thing I can remember but trust me, my life gets harder before it gets better. I’m going to take you all on this ride with me, buckle up, and please continue to read along. 

Tell Your Testimony

💞 A story never told 💞

A story of a lost soul

Body so young 

But mind over grown 

Dealing with deep scars 

Scars unshown 

Trauma unknown 

Unknown issues push deep down

Feel like i’m in an ocean about to drown 

Pick me up Lord 

I need to be found 

Find myself with in you 

Self love is you 

You’re all around

Tell the story 

Let your pain unfold

Your story can touch someone's life 

You never know 

 

Healing Your Inner Child

Loving Memory of Deborah Ann Cooke

(MA)

Here it is 2022 and I'm pregnant for the second time, finally dragging myself back to therapy after so many years. The first session was deep. I completely broke down talking about everything I could remember going through as a child. Now, at 26 years old, I'm asking myself why I feel so alone, why I can't love anyone, why I am out of touch, why people I thought were my friends stopped speaking to me, and wondering what's really going on?

Look, I don't even know where to start. I guess I'll start from the first traumatizing experience I can remember. I was about four years old when me, my mom, and three of my older siblings were sharing a blanket on a cold winter night, sleeping on a stranger's porch with nowhere to go…Wow, just typing that out has me reliving that experience and brings me to tears. I am praying that by sharing my testimony, being vulnerable, and facing my experiences face to face, it touches someone to start healing their inner child. This is very challenging for me, but this is a part of my healing, and you have to start somewhere. I don't even know how we got to that porch or what happened the next day, but the memory of that night is still affecting my life today.  

So let me tell y'all a little about myself. My name is Ke'Shara Cooke or I also go by KeeKee. I'm a 26 year old mother of two from a city named Shark City (Norfolk, VA). I'm the youngest of eight children, and I am also a twin. I grew up in foster care from the age of nine yrs old until I aged out at year 21. I'm a very misunderstood person, I love hard, I'm very caring and generous to the people I love. I am the type of person that would give a stranger my complete last. My sons, Kaidence and Kaison, are my biggest blessings from God. Kaidence is two years old, and he is the reason I am still alive today to tell my story. My fat papa Kaison is four months old, and being pregnant with him really made me want help and to heal from my past in order to be the best mother I could and give them my all. Therefore, I decided in order for me to do that I needed to face the past, conquer, defeat, and heal the baggage I carry from my experiences as that three to nine year old KeeKee.