Healing Your Inner Child page 2

Loving Memory of Deborah Ann Cooke

(Ma)

Let me walk you through that winter night. I remember feeling the freezing cold wind brush against my soft brown skin, my fragile hands squeezing my mama's arm so tight, and all of us relying on one another's body heat and one blanket to bear through the night. I don’t even remember closing my eyes to get any sleep. Looking across the street all I could see was a huge brick building with a cross on the top indicating that we were sleeping outside right across the street from a church! The person's porch we were sleeping on lent us the blanket but wouldn’t let my mother and her four small children sleep inside. People can be so heartless and in hindsight I believe experiences I have endured like this, is what makes my heart so big. 

The 26 year old KeShara gives people her last because of that little girl freezing on that porch, wishing somebody would have come and saved her that night. That experience is affecting me to this day. It makes it difficult for me to use that ‘no’ word to people that I love, even when I know that I am being taken advantage of for my kindness and that I would never receive the same treatment in return. That experience has created an auto fight or flight setting that my mind struggles to get out of. Constantly feeling like I have to protect and provide, and never giving myself a chance to rest and relax. It has inhibited me to create healthy boundaries for myself within relationships I have in my life. I also struggle with asking or accepting help.  

Part of the healing of my younger self includes imagining what I would tell her if I could meet her in her times of need. I would be sure to say something along the lines of, “Babygirl you're going to be a fierce protector over your children. They will never have to experience an ounce of the trauma you have in your short time living.” The night on the porch was the very first traumatic thing I can remember but trust me, my life gets harder before it gets better. I’m going to take you all on this ride with me, buckle up, and please continue to read along.